My life is very mystical. I will try and share some of the symbology and the reflections I receive.
In Human design I am 54/53 and 32/42 sacral generator. The gate of ambition and enlightenment and endarkenment. The deep mystic.
Making sense of the past, why I am a great teacher I believe comes from this making sense of the past and sharing what I learn with others.
I can see now this trajectory of my life. Until age 42 we come into the world from our conditioning, from our family, from cultural conditioning, from societal conditioning. We are coming FROM.
42 onwards is where we are GOING. It's a discovery. It's an unknown and the discovery of where we are going is the journey. It's the total unknown and discovery at the same time.
Now at 43 I can see the beauty in the last year of letting go of my entire identity for this new creative & intuitive version of me. Still me, just more fully expressed fully revealed. You lose a lot and gain a lot. People, friends, relationships, business models, ideas, behaviors, reactions.
Not everyone will GET the next evolution of you and that's just what it is. Better to live your truth and really BE YOU than live with the pain of wearing a mask and the weight of regret.
No time for that. Life and love is precious. Your life can change and does change in an instant. So be with all the madness and expect good things. GREAT things.
Back to the signs n symbols. Might have to write another book here. I hate writing books. Have a love hate relationship w writing.
Anyways... I bought this house in Mount Shasta in 2018. I fell in love with this place. Jumped in the lake in May swam towards this big beautiful mountain and just fell in love with the place bought the first house I saw. It ironically had these two big dead trees that were in the back acre of my property.
I had them taken down and it took two years of burning and hauling away... very symbolic with the two dead people me and my ex-husband in that marriage.
Life can be a string of coincidences or signs and synchronicity everywhere you look. Magic everywhere if you can slow down enough the smell the flowers and watch the butterflies.
Instead of rescuing everybody else to keep love close to me and abandoning myself I decided it was high time I started showing up for myself in ways I never had before and risk letting people down, disappointing people, failure or perceived failure and judgment.
I'm not afraid of judgement anymore. I sent enough time judging myself. Healing I discovered is the process of revealing yourself.
As I started the process of healing pain and trauma in my body doing all the things reparenting my inner child, somatic healing, body work, breathwork, yoga and dancing in my kitchen things began to change … FAST.
A jarring awakening.
I became highly aware of the reflectionary universe we live in. There’s nothing outside of yourself that can give you what you lack. No relationship and no money can fill that hole.
I fell in love with a sexy mountain man on my birthday and when that ended I found myself with no more excuses left. Time to start over again. I didn’t know if my heart could handle anymore loss and heartbreak.
Then I had to put my little dog Houdini down. I had received a SIGN in feb of 2021 that rocked me to my core, scared the crap out of me. It was a premonition about my dogs death and this new mystical chapter of my life. The signs that followed literally blew my mind. Quite literally blew me right out of my mind.
I always get signs but it seemed the more cleansing I did with my body physically emotionally and spiritually the more intensely connected and telepathic I was becoming.
Now I had dilemmas of what to share with people, what was correct and right to share and when. That was new. Very new.
And so was finding myself in this more creative, free and surrendered space than I had ever known before.
Surrendered and letting love lead.
It's like I used to be able to go to this well in panic mode and pull this masculine energy up to bulldoze through or avoid or pull me out of feeling painful things. And now there's nothing there anymore. That well is dry. And I don't miss it. Not one bit.